Inspired by
Native BTI don't believe there is such a thing as a "True" friend. It's like "being Kind", there are many shades and context in which a person is a friend for someone else.
The soldier who willingly takes extreme risk with the passionate thought of "I'm doing this to try and keep the people at home safe", is a friend. Though I might not lend him money, I would ask our government representatives to care for him and others like him when he is injured even though we have never met. Even though if we met I might not appreciate other qualities that he may possess.
So people are Friends within certain limitations. I have friends I would not lend money to, because I know them. But that same friend I would pick up at the bar at 3 in the morning.
Other friends I would have them come live with me and enjoy their presence daily. Yet I'm sure we would keep certain secrets from each other.
The concept of "True Friend" prevents us from intensely valuing the many wonderful qualities within diverse social relationships.
A friend that thinks of you enough to invite you to meet other people they know, is worth respect. But we should limit our openness based upon "acceptable discomfort".
Acceptable Discomfort is the area in which you can not trust your friend to make good decisions, yet still you participate with them in that regard.
Like someone you know you can't trust with money; but you can give them a couple of bucks now and then. Or someone who can't help from saying the wrong things at the worst times; so you invite them to small controllable gatherings.
There are certain people I've known where the limits of sharing are almost non-existent. Yet I have personal desires where I am selfish; and for me that isn't necessarily bad. I won't give my earnings to friends for their random social use, over using my money for buying an airplane (for instance).
To put it in perspective, what qualities do you or I have that would make us worthy of being a "True" friend?
Humans are a selfish species; yet at times we are crazy generous. We won't lend someone a nickle, but then risk our lives giving CPR to someone we don't know. We will fight and argue with people we love, and give our last breath to them that they would have one more breath to live.
No, I am not a True Friend of anyone. But those that know me and understand the limits of our mutual giving, value me for how I make their life less risky.
The risk that my friend will ever be forced to be alone is slim, so long as we can be together, so long as we can talk on the phone, email, text message, chat online, ...
The risk that my friend will ever starve is slim, so long as they come to my home. I'll not make them fat, but they'll never need to worry about starving.
Just these two qualities allow my friends to take business risks, because no matter how badly their business fails, they always have a place to get back up on their feet; to try yet again.
How little does it cost to give your friends the assurance that taking risks will not cause them to live on the street. That they always have a place to start over again.
For those that you care this way about, tell them so they absolutely know you are an island for them to cling to, when their lives have been swallowed up by the ocean of risks that surround them. Specifically tell them, and mean it, that they are always welcome to begin again from your home.
Imagine the confidence you can give your friends, by them knowing they can not truly fail. No matter what, they always have a hand-hold to climb from yet again.
I separate my social interactions between acquaintances and friends. I only offer myself, my resources, or my home to acquaintances as a test, not as an on-going condition of life.
Therefore friends must in my mind, be a permanent part of my life.
So maybe this is the same for you. My acquaintances are your friends, and my Friends are your True Friends.
We are blessed to have Friends who think of us too.
